Dear The Onion,
I'd just like to say there's no reason to change your oil every 3,000 miles. Your car can make it to 5,000 easy.
Don Schwarting, Saginaw, MI
Several NBA Teams Interested In Shaq As A Person
NEW YORK—Officials from the Hawks, Celtics, and Heat expressed interest in Shaquille O'Neal as a person Wednesday, confirming league rumors that they believed the free agent center would be highly suitable for a long-term friendship.
No Reason You Can't Be Chiropractor Like Your Cousin Jeffrey
DAVENPORT, IA—According to your Aunt Sharon, Jeffrey is his own boss, he can take vacation time whenever he wants, and people call him "doctor."
Small NY town gets ready for Chelsea Clinton wedding - Los Angeles Times
PHOTOS: Jersey Shore Cast Goes Back To Work Minus Snooki - Radar Online
T.I. And Tiny Marry In Three Cities
The superstar MC weds his longtime girlfriend in a wedding celebration that spans Miami, Atlanta and Las Vegas.
'American Idol' Runner-Up Crystal Bowersox Calls Ellen DeGeneres 'Amazing'
'I respect her and her decision to leave,' the season-nine runner-up says of the talk show host's 'Idol' exit.
Wiz Khalifa Was Working On Atlantic Deal 'For A Minute'
Khalifa tells 'RapFix Live' that although he won't sign to Rick Ross' Maybach Music, there's 'gonna be work done' with the Miami MC.
Ansel Adams Or Not? The Answer's Worth Millions
It's an irresistible story. A building painter in Fresno, Calif., announces negatives he bought for $45 at a yard sale were taken by Ansel Adams. But the renowned photographer's family thinks the story is too good to be true, and the heat's on to prove the negatives' authenticity.
Comedian Maz Jobrani Plays Not My Job
Born in Iran and raised in the U.S., Maz Jobrani is one of the founding members of the Axis of Evil group -- a stand-up tour featuring Middle-Eastern comics. He answers three questions about baseball players who have injured themselves in stupid ways.
Handy Tomato Recipes From A Celebrity Chef
Scott Conant, renowned chef and host of the Food Network series 24 Hour Restaurant Battle, shares some of his favorite tomato recipes with guest host Jacki Lyden.
T.I. and New Bride Celebrate Second Miami Wedding
The rapper and longtime partner Tameka "Tiny" Cottle hosted two ceremonies and will have a third party in Vegas!
Hillary Clinton Goes Glam for Daughter Chelsea's Rehearsal Dinner
The town of Rhinebeck, N.Y., goes crazy for the former first family
Off-Duty Hollywood: Kourtney Kardashian Takes Mason for a Stroll
Plus: Newlyweds John Krasinski and Emily Blunt head to the movies and more star sightings
'Schmucks' not appetizing
Groucho Marx famously declined to join any club that would accept him as a member, a shining example that would have scuppered this supper club farce long before Steve Carell and Paul Rudd signed on. Which would have been a mixed blessing: "Schmucks" ain't pretty, but you'll probably laugh anyway.
Rachel Zoe's 5 best moments
In less than a decade, Rachel Zoe has gone from dressing young, up-and-coming pop stars like Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson to styling award-winning actresses like Jennifer Garner and Anne Hathaway. Now a celebrity in her own right, Zoe's added designer and reality TV star to her impressive resume. The third season of her series "The Rachel Zoe Project" will premiere August 3 on Bravo, and to celebrate, Zoe sat down with InStyle to discuss the looks -- and ladies -- that made her a star.
J.Lo signs 'Idol' deal?
Jennifer Lopez has inked a deal to join "American Idol's" judging panel for its upcoming 10th season, an industry source tells People.
'Glee' tops Emmy nominations
Front Page: 'Lost,' 'Modern Family' also honored; HBO tops nets with 101 nods -- Three first-year broadcast programs -- the comedies "Glee" and "Modern Family" on Fox and ABC, respectively, and CBS drama "The Good Wife" -- broke through with best series nominations for the 62nd annual Primetime Emmy Awards announced Thursday.
Spyglass in Lion's den?
Front Page: Berber, Birnbaum make presentation to MGM -- Word that Spyglass Entertainment has entered the Lion's den and is in the lead to run beleaguered MGM was met with skepticism Tuesday, with insiders across Hollywood saying a deal is a long way from closing.
3D's diminishing box office returns
Front Page: 'Toy Story' is third opener to sell fewer tix in the format -- The 3D crunch is hitting the domestic summer box office, as this weekend's boffo opener "Toy Story 3" marks the third consecutive 3D opening -- and 3D toon -- to earn a lower percentage of its gross from 3D venues than previous such offerings.
Kassam damages building in Negev - Jerusalem Post
Massive Flooding in Pakistan Kills More than 800 - Voice of America
Wildfires spread in western Russia, kill 28 - Reuters
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